Yesterday was a weird day.
Even weirder than normal, given the state of the global crisis right now.
My sister mentioned a similar feeling over the weekend – almost like the shock is wearing off and our bodies have started to drop that natural defense we put up to protect ourselves in times of high stress and crisis.
It’s shock and adrenaline that enables a mother to lift a car off her child. Shock also that enables us to think quickly during disasters and stay aware of our surroundings when it matters most.
And I also think it’s the shock that’s kept me reasonably stable throughout the past two weeks as I’ve negotiated 100% working from home, balancing necessity with hoarding and counting the toilet paper rolls.
And now it’s weird. Extra weird.
The novelty of things is wearing thin. I’m not watching the news 24/7 to catch the latest updates and I’m back to a semi-routine of exercising and eating on a regular schedule. I’m even having conversations that aren’t 100% COVID related which is actually pretty cool.
But the thing that’s unnerving me is even though I’m finding stability in routine, staying home and spending quality time with my family, the uncertainty around the future is only increasing and when I let those thoughts creep in, without any natural defenses, my tension is now on a slow burn – elevating higher than it has yet.
Does this resonate with anyone else?
I’m not 100% sure what I’m going to do about this yet (outside of the obvious Hope-related things 😉) because for now, I’m still examining the self-awareness piece of it all. It’s not affecting how I go about my day (#staythefhome!) or how well I do my job, it’s just a new feeling that’s interesting to recognize and think about.
I’m so very grateful for so much in my life right now – that’s another thing this global crisis has brought to the forefront for me. The intentionality of it all – I’ve spoken or Facetime’d with so many random family members, participated in a virtual pub night and had dinner with my husband ten days in a row! #datenightforever
I guess that is something I’m going to do about it…continue to look out for opportunities to be grateful and explicitly say them out loud or do something to keep encouraging their existance.
Like my niece told my sister yesterday, when it comes to things to be grateful for, there’s no limit on how many you can have. ♥