“I may have a date. Or maybe not. I’m not sure. But I am going for lunch with a male.”
That’s how my day started, with one of the greatest texts. I love it for so many reasons – the tone feels hopeful, humble and excited. Cautious but confident. The woman who wrote it is a friend of mine – professional and intelligent, funny, kind and beauty that radiates from the inside. She’s looking for a romantic partner and a chance meeting at a professional conference in the US has turned into an invitation for lunch back here at home.
“But is it just professional?!”
My response – does it matter? All relationships start from somewhere, professional or otherwise.
“Are you interested”, I ask?
“I could be”, she responds, “he’s interesting, intelligent, fun. And we talked about our nieces and unicorns so more than just work in common.”
“Perfect – then go to lunch, see if you enjoy his company and take it from there. Try not to overthink it (which, for my friend, is like asking her to try to stop breathing 😊) and believe in yourself. He was engaged by your personality, intelligence and natural charisma, he wants to spend time with you and you want to spend time with him, leave it at that.”
I tell this story because it’s not unique. And I don’t believe it’s limited to just women. For sure, anecdotally, statistically and evidence-based research suggest that women are more likely to fuss and worry about these kinds of situations, maybe thinking we’re not “good enough” or what if “he doesn’t like me” and other self-defeating thoughts. Men have those thoughts too! As humans, it’s our instinct to doubt our greatness, to wonder about ulterior motives and biologically, our brains head in the direction of negative thoughts before we course correct to more positive and confident thoughts (the very lives of our ancestors depended on looking for danger first!).
Try your best to consciously think positively, stay confident in your personality, intelligence and charisma…the very things that likely attracted this other person to you are probably your best qualities! Shine like the awesome person you are…authenticity and confidence are attractive and the best parts of you will speak to the best parts of them. And if it turns out it is just professional, cool…you’ve found an interesting person to learn from and relate to and what’s wrong with that?